All About Me

Well, I have tons to say about the kids, as always, but I wanted to add some thoughts of my own this time.

First, the news: I had laser eye surgery two weeks ago and I love it! I have been wearing glasses for about 15 years full-time now, and it is incredible to not need them anymore! I probably don't look smart now, but I'm willing to risk being thought dumb and cute.

I am supposed to be grading the 126 papers sitting on my desk right now, but instead I am checking email, writing old friends, and blogging. A homeschooling mother of five's work is never done!

So here is what's on my mind: Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. I have group of friends (family acutally) who get together a couple times a month to share our lives and what Jesus is doing in our hearts. Somehow the topic of forgiveness came up. (Actually, I know how the topic came up but it's not relevant to the story. And it's none of your business.) But the point is, I shared how I had recently experienced forgiveness for something that has been on my heart for over 15 years. I've been ashamed and embarassed about something I said and did to someone I cared about, and for all this time I've felt sick everytime I've thought of it. 15 years is a long time to still get yucky butterflies in your stomach when you think of something.

I guess what surprised me about this experience, besides the surprise of getting in touch with a long lost friend, is how utterly giddy and light-hearted I have felt ever since. I am truly wondering if I have ever experienced forgiveness before, because this feeling is new.

I know that I have certainly needed and received God's forgiveness, and my husband extends his forgiveness daily it sometimes seems. But to hold onto something for that long, to feel sorrow and shame and all around stupidity for something and not have it go away, and then suddenly, to have it lift- this really is a taste of eternity. This is God's goodness, this is his touch. He lifts shame, not through denial but through being seen. He extends grace, not in response to our hard work to set things right, but randomly, out of the blue, and with no strings attached.

So, in addition to seeing more clearly, I also see more clearly. (Get it? Laser eye surgery, new understanding of forgiveness. . . )